Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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