A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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