I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
