lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize