I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.