so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake