You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.