he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"