If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.