Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry about my life...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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