So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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