she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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