allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
