Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
