and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
