Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
