i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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