I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
