I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
