sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
