I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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