i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
