considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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