never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
