i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
