I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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