Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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