Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
