just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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