dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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