I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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