I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
