I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
