there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
