genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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