I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
