He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Couch. On fire.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
