I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
