drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
