my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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