I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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