you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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