two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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