I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
