did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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