bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
