; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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