The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
