The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
