my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
