i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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