May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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