Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
