Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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