I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
