the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
