I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
