I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I forgot wine drunk hurts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
