my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize