Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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