I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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