i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
