ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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