he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ladies don't puke and tell
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
