I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
