Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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