Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
