my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
