My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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