I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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