if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password