I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar