Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.