Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
