Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!