apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care