my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.