my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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